Dilate

***This is another slam. I don't know why it's called Dilate. I think it's named after an Ani Difranco song, but in whatever fit of teen angst prompted this, I forgot to leave notes for my future adult self.

shadows seep from behind my eyes/transformed into black skies/with silver lies/and cloud linings ground/with the dirt of too much trying/and the screams of hope flying/on the wings of a dove/and/love that doesn't quite transcend/space and time/when the only crime was against/my own nature/lost in the fluxion of the crux/of the matter/ where the only feelings that matter are/yours yours yours/not MINE or THEIRS/or anybody else's who cares/and so I let you become/my permanent eclipse/the never ending ellipses to the story that I can't quite finish telling/because somewhere between the personal hells/and freedom bells/I found out what it was like to be consumed.

and there were days when I found out in a very real way the pain that flames and chains can inflict to strip the paint off the masterpiece of a life.

And when I opened my eyes/I saw shadows dispelled by the brilliance of your disguise/and the muffled cries/that streamed from the sky because my hands finally grew too weak to keep my mouth clamped shut/and somehow I managed to jump out of the rut/ but not before I was rotted through/with the pestilence of you and/now that you're gone/ I find myself finally wanting something more from someone/willing to give it/ and it's taken me too long to figure out that/I don't have to rush/to cause blame/and I don't have to anticipate the rain because/yes/it will come on its own/and maybe now I've grown/or maybe I will still need to be shown that I can live with/getting less than what I'd be willing to give.

And I think I've finally found ways to circumvent the pain that flames and chains can inflict to strip the paint off a work in progress.

***PS: I'm 99% sure this was about nick. almost all of the really depressing ones are. that would make this circa... 2002?